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Thread: Good In-laws

  1. #1
    PatO is offline DI Member
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    Default Good In-laws

    Maybe I am lucky or maybe I did more homework than most (after some bad experiences with other filipinas and money - lessons learned the hard way) but in nearly three years my in-laws have never once asked me for money or for anything, and my wife has never asked me to give them money. I set some up front ground rules when I met my to-be wife but it turns out they were not necessary. My in-laws are from the mountains, lived off the land, traded crops for rice and other food, and raised six kids with no income other than what they produced on a small farm. Dirt poor but proud, and I think it is that pride and the type of people they are and the simple lifestyle they lead that eliminates asking me for help. It turns out they don't have to ask because I give them money for certain things because I like them and respect them and I choose to. They don't live with us but now they live close to us and we like that. I can tell you being my wife is young it is nice for her to have her mom to talk to and to help her with the baby. The boy just loves his grandma and she watches him sometimes if we go places with no problems.

    Maybe mountain folks are less greedy than some city folks or like I said I am one of the lucky ones.

    So not every relationship here is a horror stories with in-laws.

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  3. #2
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    roadking is offline DI Member
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    Hi
    I haver some what a simlar relationship with my wife & imediate family, As Pato said you need the basic ground rules set out & stick to them, There are always going to be emergancies To be dealt with on a 1 2 1 basis, Its all part of choosing to live here,
    We have been married for over 23 years now & have returned to the Philippines after Living in the UK & Saudi, so it was a bit of a shock to both of us in having to adapt to Filopino life again, But youve gotta do it or you will become one of the Bitter & twisted brigade , who just want to live in there own little bubble & slag every one else off { both Filopino & Westerner }
    Not saying my life is is a template to happyness, but all you seem to get on here at times is horror stories of relatationships usualy down to the husband not willing to do the work required to adapt,
    just nice to hear a happy story now & then.....




  4. #3
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    Charlie T. is offline DI Member
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    No relative / in-law problems here. They only live one and half hours away. Just set the rules "you" are comfortable with and that's it.
    If you are prone to falling for guilt trips you are going to have to get over that.
    I had some ask at first, but the word "No" with a smile politely seems to be well understood in any language. They have never asked again. And we have an orphaned neice up there we help a bit, but, she worked very hard for good grades in high school and a ROTC Officer, then got herself a scholarship to Norsu Ag. College. Plus she worked the summer break all she could and saved 90% of every hard earned peso. I know she appreciates every centavo we might help her with. We even hold her own little personal savings for her, at her request by the way. She is a mountain / river girl, maybe there is a difference ?
    So being in agreement with Pat O., all in-laws and relatives are not bad.
    expatron, redhorse and mntnwolf like this.

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    Vicmico is offline DI Member
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    Guys, I like the mature responses you ventilated above. I sometimes get the impression I'm the only one married to a Pinoy that does not have problems with family members, but I'm glad to read there are more positive examples. When I married my wife in Victorias, Negros Occ. some 24 years ago, I was not prepared for the fact that I wouldn't only marry my wife, but that I would gain an entire regiment as kin... Although we've been funding the renovation of the house of the in-laws, tuitition of some nephews and the annual balik-bayan box with goodies around X-mas, we've never given in to requests for more 'donations', but mainly because my dear asawa was telling me not to give in to these requests. She appears to be more hard-nosed than I am, apparently. There are exceptions to the rule.....

    Vicmico
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    Wrye83 is offline With Pastrami
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    Renovating a house and paying tuitions? Sounds like the norm here. Just need a few medical emergencies and you have 90 percent of the requests I get. I say get a job and stay out of the bars and cock pits.
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    Vicmico is offline DI Member
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    Agree 100 percent Wrye, we also covered the hospital bill (and the funeral) of my father-in-law, but we didn't have to keep him from bars or cockpits - he couldn't get there if his life depended on it.. He was well in his eighties when we got confronted with those expenses, so no problem there. The house renovation and tuitition fees were something we (I) wanted - not because the family asked for it. Been to their place many times and figured it was time to do something - preventive maintenance does not exist in the vocabulary of the average Filipino. The wife was over there to supervise and got into an argument (heated) with Tatay about the necessity to paint the inside of the multiplex sheets to cover the underside of the overhang of the GI sheeted roof. Because I told het to have that done, and she (we) got it done because we we footing the bill. No further arguments, it's also my wife's inheritence...
    We got our nephews through school, but now they are on their own (and have a mighty regard for the undersigned), so something good came out of the payment of tuition fees - my brother in law had a job but was not making enough to get the right education for his kids, so we covered some of the expenses - they did the remainder. It's possible, as you can see, but it takes time and effort (and a lot of balls) to get it done the right way. Not all is bad.....

    Vicmico

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    PrensBana is offline DI Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatO View Post
    Maybe I am lucky or maybe I did more homework than most ...... but in nearly three years my in-laws have never once asked me for money or for anything, and my wife has never asked me to give them money. ....... My in-laws are from the mountains, lived off the land, traded crops for rice and other food, and raised six kids with no income other than what they produced on a small farm. Dirt poor but proud, and I think it is that pride and the type of people they are and the simple lifestyle they lead that eliminates asking me for help. It turns out they don't have to ask because I give them money for certain things because I like them and respect them and I choose to. They don't live with us but now they live close to us and we like that. I can tell you being my wife is young it is nice for her to have her mom to talk to and to help her with the baby. The boy just loves his grandma and she watches him sometimes if we go places with no problems.

    Maybe mountain folks are less greedy than some city folks or like I said I am one of the lucky ones.

    So not every relationship here is a horror stories with in-laws.
    There must be something about the mountain folk.

    My wife comes from a dirt poor highlander family too and they have never pestered me for money.

    Asawa's family are devoted Christians with extremely good moral character (better than mine).
    It was asawa's extrordinarily high moral character that attracted me to her, because i knew her influence would be beneficial in improving my below par moral character

    Pato, which mountain Barangay/s did your in-laws come from?

    Mine are from Samac/Abis Barangays

    Negros Barangay/Municipal map
    mntnwolf likes this.
    Cheers

    PB
    ______

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    PatO is offline DI Member
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    My wife is from a small village in the Santa Catalina Mts called Santa Rosario barangay. Turns out they are having their fiesta this Sunday and we will take our boy there. Her parents are still great and help out in our little farm and her mama helps my wife with our little boy. I guess I am lucky but I paid my dues the hard way with lessons learned in Makati before I came down here to go diving and met my wife-to-be.. The beauty was a beast.
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    Dave & Imp is offline DI Member
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    Default Rules...."we don't need no stinking rules", well maybe we do

    Quote Originally Posted by PatO View Post
    I set some up front ground rules when I met my to-be wife but it turns out they were not necessary.
    Pat can you and others share some of the ground rules, necessary or not, that produce the happy relationships that you have shared with us. I know you wife always seem to have a smile, must be rules... hahaha.

    I have someone in mind, but have gone through many ladies, who only seem to have one rule: Screw the foreigner, both figuratively and otherwise. I would like to find a more balanced relationship. I may have found one now, but only time will tell.

    Please share you guidelines and rules, and the rules not to expect to be followed also.

    Thanks.....
    This is Dave, Imp is sleeping again




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    DavyL200 is offline DI Member
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    When did you ever follow the rules dave?
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