Leaving the West

[Timn8ter]

I appreciate the feedback and these things have been reflected upon. The wife's family is in Dagupan, Luzon. That's far enough.
(edit: The familial compound is near Dagupan but we have no contact with the extended family living there. )
My mother-in-law died of cancer 3 years ago at the age of 59. My father-in-law has lost the (financial) support of his children for private reasons. The siblings are doing quite well for themselves. One is a manager for CDO and her husband has his own successful business. The others are living and working in Australia and Malaysia able to take care of themselves.
(edit: They all started out extremely poor. This is a testimony to working hard, sacrificing and keeping a level head.)
Nevertheless, I have no intention of letting anyone know what's in the bank.
In my opening post I mentioned medical expenses. I spent a bit of time in a Makati hospital watching my mother-in-law waste away (something for you smokers to keep in mind) and doing so became acquainted with Filipino medical care and the accompanying expenses.
It's unlikely I will apply for the SRRV but will keep it in mind. Otherwise, it's not a big deal for me to take a trip out of the country every so often.

[daffs]

Originally Posted by barramac

i would love to hear about innovative tactics to reduce this familial bill, here are some commonly used ones
1.) low ball your income - obviously do not disclose to wife
2.) channel fixed monthly amount of funds through one respected family member for all. then let them fight between themselves. (remember i do not have any money, is the only acceptable explanation).
3.) look for work in exchange for money, the work has to be done before the money is handed over no matter how immediate the 'crisis' is
4.) locate far from family(as was stated)
5.) refuse to give money to anyone from the outset(risky - but had worked in the 3 cases that i know have used it)
6.) never employ family
7.) my favorite was an english guy who would only go out with orphans, so he had no family obligation

donations are regarded both as a sign of kindness and weakness.
the truth is the descent ones, will never ask for money and only take it in extreme conditions. the opportunists will try, but do not expect. the ones that feel an obligation, are the ones difficult to deal with, especially after some money has been rolled out and a perceived precedent has been set.

my favorite set of crisis came last year from a 1-2 month affair with your typical gold digger, always drama and emotions etc. no urgency to get a job, loved lee plaza, u know the type. I had to leave town for a few weeks and was wondering, when all the imminent crisis were going to happen, so i preempted this by stating, that i had no means of banking while away.
within 48 hours of departure, the crisis from this girl and her mother had gone from requesting money for one lost phone on the first day, to day two when father and brother needing police bail. mother, girl, one sister in hospital(mother close to death), mother and sister needing money to escape from a violent father, mother and aunty needing money for trader licence. girl needing a heart operation. literally every text had a new crisis.



god knows what it would have been like with the whole extended family using their request skills in the ample free time available. well it was interesting drama anyway. i heard one dummy, fell for the heart operation line since($5000).

one guy i know married rich, and has no family financial requests, but he has to purchase loads of the status symbols, which are also very expensive, but granted less frustrating and do not make you feel like a complete sucker.

it is not only the wives family that are lazy, i have seen tired wives here with 4 maids, to assist 1 child.

that's all true...

[JoeMabini]

Originally Posted by barramac

i would love to hear about innovative tactics to reduce this familial bill, here are some commonly used ones
1.) low ball your income - obviously do not disclose to wife
2.) channel fixed monthly amount of funds through one respected family member for all. then let them fight between themselves. (remember i do not have any money, is the only acceptable explanation).
3.) look for work in exchange for money, the work has to be done before the money is handed over no matter how immediate the 'crisis' is
4.) locate far from family(as was stated)
5.) refuse to give money to anyone from the outset(risky - but had worked in the 3 cases that i know have used it)
6.) never employ family
7.) my favorite was an english guy who would only go out with orphans, so he had no family obligation

I have to disagree a little bit here..

1) You should always be honest with your wife regarding money. PERIOD. She needs to know the finances in the event of your demise. Besides, marriage is about trust. If you can't trust her don't marry her.

6) Sometimes there is a diamond in that pile of coal. In our case, one brother is an excellent carpenter and has NEVER asked for more than he earned. A 13 year old nephew was actually one of the best employees we had during his school break. I ended up replacing a HRM (hotel / restaurant management) graduate with him. The kid is like a xerox machine. You show him once and he duplicates.

[shiba]

Originally Posted by JoeMabini

I have to disagree a little bit here..

1) You should always be honest with your wife regarding money. PERIOD. She needs to know the finances in the event of your demise. Besides, marriage is about trust. If you can't trust her don't marry her.

6) Sometimes there is a diamond in that pile of coal. In our case, one brother is an excellent carpenter and has NEVER asked for more than he earned. A 13 year old nephew was actually one of the best employees we had during his school break. I ended up replacing a HRM (hotel / restaurant management) graduate with him. The kid is like a xerox machine. You show him once and he duplicates.

Very good point JoeMabini. Honesty between spouses very important. I'm married to an American and from the start we made it a promise to always be truthful and honest and it is working great for our relationship. I may be a Filipina but my husband trusts me and is open about all his financial issues (from personal to his business)...believe you me, but I am aware of it all...the big thing is, I do not abuse this privilege. I am not a "buy me this, buy me that" kind of girl, so that gives him relax...in short, I'm simple and a cheap date, hehehe...joke

[shiba]

Originally Posted by JoeMabini

I have to disagree a little bit here..

1) You should always be honest with your wife regarding money. PERIOD. She needs to know the finances in the event of your demise. Besides, marriage is about trust. If you can't trust her don't marry her.

6) Sometimes there is a diamond in that pile of coal. In our case, one brother is an excellent carpenter and has NEVER asked for more than he earned. A 13 year old nephew was actually one of the best employees we had during his school break. I ended up replacing a HRM (hotel / restaurant management) graduate with him. The kid is like a xerox machine. You show him once and he duplicates.

Oh, and one more thing, it all depends on what kind of Filipino family a foreigner marries into...either there could be more diamonds in the pile than coal, or more coal than diamonds Peace

[shiba]

Originally Posted by JoeMabini

I have to disagree a little bit here..

1) You should always be honest with your wife regarding money. PERIOD. She needs to know the finances in the event of your demise. Besides, marriage is about trust. If you can't trust her don't marry her.

6) Sometimes there is a diamond in that pile of coal. In our case, one brother is an excellent carpenter and has NEVER asked for more than he earned. A 13 year old nephew was actually one of the best employees we had during his school break. I ended up replacing a HRM (hotel / restaurant management) graduate with him. The kid is like a xerox machine. You show him once and he duplicates.

Oh, and one more thing, it all depends on what kind of Filipino family a foreigner marries into...either there are more diamonds in the pile than coal, or more coal than diamonds If they get the latter, then too bad Peace!

[barramac]

Originally Posted by shiba

Oh, and one more thing, it all depends on what kind of Filipino family a foreigner marries into...either there are more diamonds in the pile than coal, or more coal than diamonds If they get the latter, then too bad Peace!

totally with u there. everybody is different. when u get a family pool of 40-100 people, there will be some gems and some not so.

re: telling your spouse your income
when trust is earned, then that is great. but statements of earnings are commonplace and often people whatever their intentions will broadcast that fact (just takes once), even thought that information will have a lot of inconvenience. i have been introduced to a group of women and immediately pulled aside to be told how much their husband earns

and yes it is a developing country, there are a lot of genuine crisis out there, but it is nice to know at least some of the game rules before u enter it

[daffs]

I agree again.For a foreighner , when it comes to their money it’s so very risky to be honest everything all about his financial status to the Filipina (it depends what kind of Filipina he married).We cannot denie that many Filipina shared their wealth to her family (money from the husband), because mostly her family is expecting that from her .So in this case “Honesty” is not always the key to happiness.Foreighner are doing this to protect his money from this kind of people and I can understand his side.

Mostly Filipinas are so closed to their own family..... she will channel it to them how “rich” her husband is…then many “dramas” will come after that…

[Union Jack]

Not such a problem for me....my wife earns more then I do, and guess what, she was honest enough to tell me.

[shiba]

Originally Posted by daffs

I agree again.For a foreighner , when it comes to their money it’s so very risky to be honest everything all about his financial status to the Filipina (it depends what kind of Filipina he married).We cannot denie that many Filipina shared their wealth to her family (money from the husband), because mostly her family is expecting that from her .So in this case “Honesty” is not always the key to happiness.Foreighner are doing this to protect his money from this kind of people and I can understand his side.

Mostly Filipinas are so closed to their own family..... she will channel it to them how “rich” her husband is…then many “dramas” will come after that…

Makes me wonder: what happens during income tax time? If it is joint return, then surely both (especially the Pinay wife who has no work ) will see what total household income is, so nothing to hide

Well daffs, as one song goes: different strokes for different folks!