The Filipino Bubble

[babel-fish]

Asian culture is far different to the west when it comes to family responsibilities where as we westerners are normally okay financially when we reach our autumn years. In countries racked with poverty the children are expected to look after the parents.

Two or three generations ago in the Philippines the male members were in charge of the family but now the culture has changed and the women have taken over. The top dog is the Grandmother; everybody has to ask her permission before any big plan is put in place. The mother is the second in command then followed by the oldest or richest sister.

When some one marries into the family after of course getting the permission to do so one enters the bubble. In the case of foreign husbands the Filipina wife will try to keep the fact that she is being prompted by her mother, grandmother and eldest sister. She will pay the bills, look after the house and keep all minor problems away from the husband. She will also try to keep the husband away from the influence of others outside of her families bubble or her bubble if she has something to hide.

The problem is that many foreigners will be with a wife for many years before he finds out about the grandmother, mothers and sisters influence on his life. If the family is a greedy one he may find out much earlier when he realizes that someone always want medicine or is in the hospital etc. Or something will be made very apparent by the stupid-ness of the greed.

The wife will sweep around her foreign husband and handle all the finances if allowed and normal nag about a need for her own money or allowance. (It is normal for the husband to send a small donation to the parents, I myself pay twice as much as my partner could afford if working).

The problem is when the bubble bursts and the guy finds the wife has lied and cheated, where as the husband does not know where to pay the bills and has never shopped for food etc in this foreign land. Or worst still has to leave the house and lot that he bought for the wife. I have seen this tragedy before many, many times.

The answer is keep outside of the bubble, handle your own finances and be in charge of your house hold. If you buy property in your partner’s name, get it leased to your self. Make sure you get receipts for everything and of course the change. Learn the language, well at least enough to understand what’s going on. If your wife’s a good one after many years more trust can be put on her shoulders. Its best to marry the eldest sister of the family, as she will know how to wield some power within the family. She has been all ready received some or more training on running a family.

Many Filipino families respect new membership to the family and will treat a foreigner with great respect especially if you your self are respectfull to them and to your new partner but you still have to watch out for the families black sheep.

[Kinhason2]

Originally Posted by babel-fish

Asian culture is far different to the west when it comes to family responsibilities where as we westerners are normally okay financially when we reach our autumn years. In countries racked with poverty the children are expected to look after the parents.

Two or three generations ago in the Philippines the male members were in charge of the family but now the culture has changed and the women have taken over. The top dog is the Grandmother; everybody has to ask her permission before any big plan is put in place. The mother is the second in command then followed by the oldest or richest sister.

When some one marries into the family after of course getting the permission to do so one enters the bubble. In the case of foreign husbands the Filipina wife will try to keep the fact that she is being prompted by her mother, grandmother and eldest sister. She will pay the bills, look after the house and keep all minor problems away from the husband. She will also try to keep the husband away from the influence of others outside of her families bubble or her bubble if she has something to hide.

The problem is that many foreigners will be with a wife for many years before he finds out about the grandmother, mothers and sisters influence on his life. If the family is a greedy one he may find out much earlier when he realizes that someone always want medicine or is in the hospital etc. Or something will be made very apparent by the stupid-ness of the greed.

The wife will sweep around her foreign husband and handle all the finances if allowed and normal nag about a need for her own money or allowance. (It is normal for the husband to send a small donation to the parents, I myself pay twice as much as my partner could afford if working).

The problem is when the bubble bursts and the guy finds the wife has lied and cheated, where as the husband does not know where to pay the bills and has never shopped for food etc in this foreign land. Or worst still has to leave the house and lot that he bought for the wife. I have seen this tragedy before many, many times.

The answer is keep outside of the bubble, handle your own finances and be in charge of your house hold. If you buy property in your partner’s name, get it leased to your self. Make sure you get receipts for everything and of course the change. Learn the language, well at least enough to understand what’s going on. If your wife’s a good one after many years more trust can be put on her shoulders. Its best to marry the eldest sister of the family, as she will know how to wield some power within the family. She has been all ready received some or more training on running a family.

Many Filipino families respect new membership to the family and will treat a foreigner with great respect especially if you your self are respectfull to them and to your new partner but you still have to watch out for the families black sheep.

Babel-fish,
So true! Good posting!

[babel-fish]

Thanks for the praise and seeing the sense, hopefully others do not fall in to the traps that I did.

[tubigboy]

You mean the Filipinos lie and cheat? Bwahahahahaha! hehehehe! A den of thieves!

[babel-fish]

No, not all of them only the one's that a lot ex-pats seem to find or is it that they find them. There are certainly more honest Filipino's than dishonest about the same ratio I expect of percentage that of ex-pats or fellow countrymen back home.

The problem here is the Filipino bubble and when you marry you marry the family as well, its the nature of what is expected from the richest members of that familly its in built within the culture and the mother instals the need by indoctrinating while her children are young that they are to look after the older members of the family. The black sheep are those that do not want to work but live off the other members of the family.

The older sister knows she has to guide or look after her family if her mother dies. No they certainly not all liars or dishonest. In fact your find much less of that if you go into the hills and proviences. Dishonesty and lying is more with in the cities and urbanised districts. Its a fact that foriegners are a great attraction to those that want to earn money by deceit. I remember that UK tourist in UK had the same problem and people conned them within the tourist areas of London. Its a problem your find all over the world and thats why one needs to get street wise quickly.

[Teacher]

It seems that all I can do is agree with you and your opinions. They are facts to me as I know this subject very well. Maybe we should write a book. CALLED “ Before you cum… the Philippines” and all you need to know guide. lol

[Arie]

usefull advise although a bit of generalisation on the family structure, I would like to add that help to the family is in my opinion best in sponsorships, so pay schools fees what are a serious problem for a lot of families. Just sending money just leads to dependencies besides I often worry about priorities, some filipino's love to show of and you might end up paying for new televisions and the latest mobile. 'Easy comes, easy goes'

[babel-fish]

Paying the school fees is one of the main problems here and the fact theres hardly any birth control one or two kids get through to high school and the rest of the family miss out on full education. Poverty is so cruel.

[shadow]

Originally Posted by babel-fish

If you buy property in your partner’s name, get it leased to your self.

If your partner is your wife, you cannot lease from her, it is against the family code. You cannot have any contract with your wife unless you have a complete separation of property clause in your marriage contract.

Good post otherwise!

Larry

[Arie]

Originally Posted by babel-fish

Paying the school fees is one of the main problems here and the fact theres hardly any birth control one or two kids get through to high school and the rest of the family miss out on full education. Poverty is so cruel.

but it is pretty easy to sponsor these, the biggest fee is at the start of the schoolyear and not that high, just that it is a lot for filipino (extendid)families where there plenty of kids it is just too much to pay in one go (also with the NCO stuff). Helping out in education fees is really worth it, at least try to get most thrue highschool.