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Thread: Where is the humor on here?

  1. #1141
    progmeister's Avatar
    progmeister is offline DI Member
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    She has twin air bags so she'll be alright
    Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

  2. #1142
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    Default Blonde House Builders

    Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

    Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

    Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

    Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
    If money talks, than CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SINGS!

    Jim




  3. #1143
    ejboerma is offline DI Member
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    Default 5 rules to get happiness

    1. It is important to find a woman who helps in the garden, is a good cook and holds a well paid job.

    2. It is important to find a woman who is funny and can be a good laugh.


    3. It is important to find a woman who you can count on and that never lies.


    4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and want sex as often you want it.


    5. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT THESE FOUR WOMAN DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER !!!

  4. #1144
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    Two Brooms

    Two brooms were hanging in the closet

    and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

    One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

    The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

    After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!"


    "IMPOSSIBLE !" said the groom broom.



    Are you ready for this?
    Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! ! ! ! !!















    We haven't even swept together

  5. #1145
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    Default The Priest

    An old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years He had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse.. "I would really like to see JOSEPH "ERAP" ESTRADA and GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO before I die", whispered the priest. "I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.

    The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. ERAP and GMA would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, ERAP commented to GMA "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." GMA couldn't help but agree.

    When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took GMA's hand in his right hand and ERAP's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally GMA spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

    The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." The old priest continued... ."He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
    Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

  6. #1146
    ejboerma is offline DI Member
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    Default New Nikes

    Green Nikes with a blue outfit :

    new nikeshoes.jpg

  7. #1147
    john reynolds is offline DI Member
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ejboerma View Post
    Green Nikes with a blue outfit :

    new nikeshoes.jpg
    It looks to Me like there's an Extra Nike trademark "Swoosh" in this pic........................

  8. #1148
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  9. #1149
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    Default

    Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

    #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

    #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

    #8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times..

    #7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

    #6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

    #5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

    #4. Guns function normally every day of the month..

    #3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

    #2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

    And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman.....

    #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN




  10. #1150
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dong View Post
    That is just wrong....very wrong

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